My sheets look like a crime scene.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
