I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
