Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
