That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
