you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
