If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
