I should be sponsored by Trojan
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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