So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
