First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
