I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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