Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
did you just send me my own nude
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
