Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
