did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
