I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Randomize
