my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
