So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
