I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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