Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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