Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize