he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
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