she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
