So drunk its hurt
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
