I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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