I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
