she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
