Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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