I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
