I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
