Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
