are you so shy because you have an std?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
