I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
