Heybabeimwearingurpanties
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
