you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
