He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
