What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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