sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
