He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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