Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
