i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
