He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
