Say something about gay babies.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
