Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
