and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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