I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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