He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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