After last night, I could never be a politician.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Randomize
