there's paper in my vomit.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
