i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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