Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
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