I can tuck mytits in my pants
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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