ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
